Why Do You Stay?

Why do some women feel that they should stay in a relationship when their mate continues to mistreat, disrespects, lies, cheats, and is physically and mentally abusive-why do they stay?

Could it be that because they are lacking the love or relationship that they did not receive from their Father or a positive “Father” figure? Perhaps they are looking for a “father figure” if they grew up without one. Or if they are in an abusive relationship this may be the only type of relationship that they know. There are instances’ where an individual believes that: “unless a man beats me, he doesn’t love me”. I know, go figure that one out. (Sorry, editor’s opinion)

For all of the myriad and lucid reasoning, to the person in this dysfunctional relationship, they often give (as to why they stay) is it’s “for the kids”.

Is staying in a dysfunctional relationship “for the kids” a valid reason to stay? HELL NAW!  (Sorry, editor’s opinion, again)

If you knew someone who was in an abusive relationship whom you previously help leave their abuser, and they kept going back, if the next time you saw them they were all beat up and asked for your help, again would you help them? Say they got what they deserve?  Or give them the "Gurl, if it was me"speech, prentend to care, and then proceed to gossip about them behind their backs?

Editor’s Note: We at Ree-De’s Crafts fervently adhere to the belief that abuse is never deserved or condoned.  

Domestic violence is an ongoing epidemic. Do not let domestic violence, whether past or present, define your identity.

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.  Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. 

In 1992, The America Medical Association reported domestic violence as the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44. Three to four million women are beaten each year by their partner or spouse, one every 15 seconds. Thirty percent of female homicide victims are killed by their partners or ex-partners, 1,500 women are murdered as a result of domestic violence each year. A 1995 national study found that 31 percent of women surveyed admitted to having been physically assaulted by a husband or boyfriend.

It is important to know the signs and solutions in order to help yourself and/or your loved ones. Victims of domestic violence become experts at hiding their suffering and pretending as if nothing is wrong. They have to, because in most cases they are threatened with more abuse if they share their secret and expose their abusers.

How You Can Help:

• Be non-judgmental:

Don’t be afraid to let him or her know that you are concerned for their safety:

• Help your friend or family member recognize the abuse:

By recognize that what is happening is not “NORMAL" and that they deserve a healthy, non-violent relationship.

• Acknowledge that he or she is in a very challenging and frightening situation.
• Be supportive:

If he or she ends the relationship, continue to be supportive of them.

• Remember that you cannot “rescue” him or her:

Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately the person getting hurt has to be the one to decide that they want to do something about it.

If you think your friend or family member may be in an abusive relationship

PLEASE call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 to discuss your concerns, questions or for help.